I regret too much. Mostly in two categories. People and Money.
When I was 18 years old I was working at a restaurant. Daily, money was put in my pocket. Weekly, the money disappeared. Where did it go? I wish I knew. I wish I had saved.
When I bought a house, I did a reverse investment. I bought high, right before the market went low. Now my money is upside down, which is a kind way of saying that I owe a load of money.
Cars. Pets. Timing. Clothes. Books. Hobbies. Too many financial regrets.
How about people? The regrets could fill this page with account after account of words said or not said, friendships gone dry, dates I wish I didn't go on, people I should have talked to about Jesus, times I was mean or critical... I'm not going to write anymore. We all get the picture. And it gets more and more of a downer as we think of it.
People and money. The two big categories. Then there are all these little regrets that seem so small all alone. Kind of like a little red ant. Then at night they come out together; they pile up in my head. Together they form this ever twisting, moving, writhing hill full of vicious remorse.
Ah... Regrets. I wish I had less of them.
Last Saturday, Taylor and I went to church with my family. We sang, "How He Loves Us", by John Mark McMillan. It is a beautiful song with one very weird line followed by one very relieving line. The relieving line: "I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way that He loves us... OH HOW HE LOVES US... HE LOVES US... OH HOW HE LOVES US."
There we stand, a church full of people shouting this powerful truth that GOD loves us.
When my soul processed the word "regrets", a water balloon full of them exploded in my mind. The regrets soaked my soul. I could feel each one and all of them together. Then... Then... Then...
OH HOW HE LOVES US... HE LOVES US... OH HOW HE LOVES US
It was this warm, embracing love that dried my sorrowful tears, dried my soul and covered me in freshly laundered love. I get escalofrias just thinking about it.
So here is to living in love. Here is to God's greatness and Christ's great sacrifice. I literally raise my coffee cup as people look on. All because of Him, because heaven met earth and now forgiven, we can let go and live on.
I like your new Blog Mike. Good stuff, very open, it takes guts to be open like this when your a Pastor because people without really without saying it expect you to be perfect. Regret is a rough one because everytime you make a decession there is a chance for regret. When you were younger your prioritys were differnt so saving money wasn't on your mind. Thats normal. As we get older our Prioriys change and thats just called life. You have the most important things, your relaionship with God, your wife, and your flock. The rest will change. Your young and you have plenty of time to adjust. The people part hmmm I hear you on that one and thats a God thing. I think we have to surrender that to him. I am not sure why I wrote this but I want you to know your not alone in these feelings. You will never do everything perfect and makes it possible for you to relate to the souls you are trying to save.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know how to put my name in the profile part.
ReplyDeletelove you,
Darryl Wiggum