Don't Talk to Me

I came here to read and to write and to drink coffee. I didn't come to talk. Someone once said, "coffee houses are communities made of people who are isolated.". Or something like that. Perhaps it was more like, "people go out to coffee to be alone while surrounded by people."

Yes.

I do that. If I want to talk to someone I'll either meet up with someone or I will have a smile on my face and my head up (sounds kind of creepy, but there is that body language that says, "I'm open to conversation."). If I have my head down, or my face is serious, or if I'm involved in a book... Then I'm probably not open to talking.

Here's my dual predicament: I'm a people pleaser and I'm a Christian (and I'm somewhat known in my city).

As a people pleaser I don't like being rude, unliked or simply straightforward with people (in case the truth offends). On top of carrying around 'the disease to please' the attitude of my heart typically shows through. So...

... Someone comes up to me or strikes a conversation. Instead of kindly but firmly saying, "excuse me, I came here to study..." I find myself engaging in a conversation but trying to cut it short sort-of-politely. Unless someone is oblivious to attitudes they will inevitably read the big "GO AWAY" on my forehead. Depending on my mood the sign might be read a bit more offensive.

As a Christian I want to represent Jesus to people. A man comes up to me. Nice guy. Makes a comment on my iPad. Asks questions. I'm busy. I do my short answer. Put my head down. He fires away with some more questions. I turn towards him a bit. Answer the questions nicely. Return to my reading. Questions continue to be thrown over my shoulder. There are times I would open up to him, invite him to sit, fully answer his queries and then get lost in conversation. Not this time. But I'm at people pleaser. I keep doing the dance with the Q&A. The sign on my forehead is growing larger and larger. Eventually. After many questions increasingly answered ever briefer, he leaves.

Guilt hits. I'm a Christian. What did I just show this man? Besides that I am human with a very frequent human reactions: selfishness, frustration, irritation, passive-aggressive tendencies, closed offness. Certainly I didn't show him love or truth or community.

The situation repeats itself on airplanes, buses, Starbucks, book stores, school, even the office.

Since I am destined to face this trial again and again (even as i write this), I should start learning how to: "Tell the truth in love." "Say what I mean, mean what I say." "Be ready at all times to share the hope that is inside me."

The man is back at the coffeehouse again. He's sitting right to my left. I'm done reading, thinking and writing. Do I head to my home or strike up a conversation?